Posts tagged with “religion”.


I’m tired of this crap. Every day the same as another, with no hope of moving forward. I’m surrounded by idiots who are not interested in expanding themselves. They view me as weak, and I’m not! Part of me wants to fight, even if I lose, just so people can see I have a breaking point.

I was thinking the other day about how hurt I am that Elena abandoned me for all intents and purposes. I know I screwed up, I know I broke the law, but her not even writing so I can explain my side of the story is a level of cold I didn’t know she was capable of. Especially at me, who would have gone through hell for her. It’s like kicking the crippled puppy because it can’t fetch the ball. (Damn, that analogy bummed me out!)

On the other hand, am I any better? All “Badger” wanted to do was love me. Yet I’m scared of becoming husband #5. =/ She, admittedly, does not have the best track record with relationships. Also, the fact that we had such wildly different faiths concerned me more than I thought it would. =(

Perhaps it’s better for everyone if I live out my days alone. =/



Hot today as well.. Bleh!

Had a nice visit with the folks today. Yummy food. We played to games of Scrabble. Both Mom & Dad won a game each. LOL. Love to say I let them win, but they are playing more often, so they have more practice.

Grandpop is probably not going to last 30 days, so says his physician. Kidneys are shutting down. =/ While I don’t WANT him to pass, he’s live a good life. There comes a time when we all must return to that father in heaven who gave us life.

Who knows? Perhaps I’ll perform Mike’s work on the same day as Grandpop’s. *shrug*

Finished my letter to Ed & mailed it. Told her about my recent trouble with thievery. Hope to hear back from her soon. :)



So the “motivational speaker” was a sermon. I tuned it out almost immediately. Not because I’m anti-religion, but I believe a motivational speaker shouldn’t bring a religious message. They should be able to motivate on their own merits without piggybacking on a Judeo-Christian foundation. :/

To aid me in “producing” tomorrow, I’m eating 4 packets of Apple & Cinnamon oatmeal. That should flush me out. :) Of course, I just realized my guts won’t really have an “off” switch. :/ The things I do for science. :(

Finally hit my stride in Dance with Dragons. It’s about time, sheesh. 3/4 of the way through.

Anyway, enough writing. Must choke down another packet and a half of oatmeal.



Realized this morning that one benefit (if there can be such) to my confinement is that I usually get to see sunrises on a regular basis. It is breathtaking to behold the beauty of God’s creation. Sunsets too. They fill me with hope. To gaze upon the majestic beauty, that fences and razor wire can not diminish.

Today is Super Bowl Sunday. Honestly, I’ll be glad when it’s over. Bleh! But, at least it should give me a couple of hours of uninterrupted reading time. :)

Gonna try to hit the canteen today, to replenish what was stolen from me. *sigh* I keep telling myself it could have been worse, but I have trouble truly feeling that. Intellectually, I accept it. Emotionally, I don’t. I can’t help feeling like I was singled out because of my charge. =/

Anyway, gonna lay down. It’s a rare opportunity to lay down during count, and I’m gonna make the most of it.



Had a good visit with the family today. Very lucky to have them around.

Mom’s upset that Grandpop seems to have either forgotten or ignored her birthday yesterday. I feel for her. She doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. Truth be told, she deserves to be treated better than most people have treated her. Myself included.

She’s a gentle spirit, full of love and patience. I think, once I get out, I’ll treat her as the elect sister she is. At least I hope I will. My track record has not been stellar in that department. =/

Ugh… Hot Dog is being very loud. He’s betting his chicken for the rest of the year on the 49’ers to win. This is why I don’t get into sports. All this excitement over a frickin’ game. Bleh!

Anyway, almost count time, and almost a full page. ;)

I’ll replenish my locker supply tomorrow, I think. =/



So apparently Bubba “hates me & everything I stand for”. *eye roll* All because, during the walk to dinner chow tonight, he was saying how he was gonna die in prison and so was the person he was talking to. I turned to the guy next to me and said “I don’t plan to die in prison. Do you intend to die here?”

Yeah, oh well. He spoke to me in the small TV room and said if I ever butt into his conversation again, he’ll punch my face right then and there.

Most of me thinks it’s a bluff. I really wanted to tell him to take a swing, but I listened to the better angels of my nature.

Afterward, I prayed on how the Lord would want me to handle it if he keeps pressing. The whole “I told you not to bite, I didn’t say not to hiss“. But “Turn the other cheek” came to my mind very quickly. I questioned it to make sure it’s what Heavenly Father wanted me to do, and it wasn’t of my own mind. The message was repeated.

I prayed Bubba would find peace & comfort. I thanked Heavenly Father for keeping me safe.

More later? Four entries in one day??



Having trouble keeping my thoughts pure. =( This concerns me, as it’s how I keep getting into trouble. I was doing so well too. =/ I guess this means I need to read more scriptures. Perhaps it’s also the adversary working in opposition to me. As the scriptures say “There must be an opposition in all things“.

Three day weekend spoiled us. It’s going to be hard to get back into the swing of things.

Need to ask Pic if he would have an objection to having his name placed on the temple prayer roll. I don’t anticipate him saying no, but it’s still right to ask. :)

Anyway, nothing new really to report in the past 12 hours. ;)



Been thinking of starting up a 12-step when I get out. Would the hospital allow use of a meeting room every week? Hmmmm.

Finished In His Wind. Not very well written, but the message was good. Can’t really knock a guy too hard when he’s out preaching the gospel (with what light has been given him).

It makes me think more seriously about writing my own book, and donating most (if not all) the proceeds to charity.

I still need to write more of it though… it shows my descent, but not being raised up out of my pit. This means it’s only 1/2 complete.

So one moleskine will be another journal, the other will deal with a possible book and/or my 12-step. I’m thinking 12 step should be on loose-leaf paper and stuck into the Moleskine pocket, so I can add as much or as little as I want.

Anyway, off to read the BoM. JC is about to appear in the Americas. :)



Weirdest thing. My mind has been wanting to fantasize about sex stuff. I was just settling down to let it roam free, when it was like a curtain slammed down.. or would the analogy be better with “wall”?

Anyway, it stopped it dead in its tracks. It’s not like I was gonna jerk off or anything.. just fantasize. But it was like part of me said “No! You’ve come too far for that!”

I say “part of me”, but perhaps it’s from a… somewhat higher source. ;)

Either way, I’m glad it stopped the thought process in its tracks. :)

This scripture has been banging around in my head recently:

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Matthew 5:28

Pretty much says it all, doesn’t it?



Dragon Keeper kinda sucked. =/ 480-some odd pages.. going nowhere. Glad I won’t have to read the rest of the series. *eye roll*

Also finished “Voice of the Prophet”. V. good. I will probably hold on to that to consult/loan out to Adam and/or William.

Mom & Dad received PoA and kiss-ass card today. One day. Surprising efficiency for the DoC.

Spent time w/ Richard during 1st red on the yard. Also had William (Bill) accompany us. Not Peacock. Think I might have spent too much time in the sun. Might have gotten a minor sunburn, but nothing too major.

Finally had a good solid BM. Bleh. After taking pills for 4 days to firm me up, spent a good 1/4 roll wiping. What a lovely thing to log for posterity. ;)

Anyway, off to read and do master count.