Posts tagged with “Funny”.


x

Didn’t journal yesterday. Mania was in full force.

Which also meant I didn’t talk about the great faceplant of February 2013. ;) Nose is still sensitive. Left palm is sore. Right edge of hand sore. Good thing I’ve given up jerking off while in prison. Hehehehe. Also, left pinky still complaining from the “bite” my locker gave it.

All-in-all, not a good day for Steve’s body. Yet I was still in an overjoyed mood.

On a more positive note, parents should be visiting me today! Yay! Hehehehehe. I’m sure their first reaction to my nose is to ask if it collided with a fist. ;)

Oh!, and I also “had my ears lowered”. Very drafty now. lol

Oh! x2, also received my colored pencils yesterday. Expensive, but worth it.

Anyway, gonna read and relax until called for “viso”.

~S

x

Dreamed about confronting Billy last night. Guess it’s to be expected, as his betrayal was on my mind.

Spoke w/ Adam today. He’s glad to be rid of Billy as well. I get the impression he only tolerated him for my sake. Hope he’s as good a friend as I suspect him to be. =/

One thing I learned from Adam was that Billy was saying he took the radio from “a baby raper with a 20 year sentence.” *eye roll*

I love how I’ve become more nefarious and twisted with each iteration on inmate.com. =/

I’m especially amused that this is coming from Billy, who is also a sex offender, having slept with a 15-year old girl.

Both Swamp and Sin are going to be assisting to ensure no harm comes to me. Swamp is especially spear-heading it with a frightening glee. Mu-hahahahaha.

Billy tried to grab my attention during lunch today. I just held up my hand and said I didn’t want to hear it. He tried several times, but I just kept cutting him off. He was in row 5, I in row 3. He’s obviously trying to back pedal. He has reason to be concerned. If only half of what I suspect is planned for him comes to fruition, he will be a very unhappy individual.

We originally thought he had stayed in A-dorm during 2nd yard, but then I saw him re-entering the dorm at the end of rec. So I guess he was hiding. Or plotting. *shrug*

Why do I suspect he’s going to check in soon? >:)

~S

x

Laundry & sheet day today. Hopefully my damp sheets will have dried sufficiently before bed. =/

It was actually a pretty nice day today. It started out chilly, then turned beautiful, now it’s turning chilly again. If the sheets are wet, this does not bode will for our hero.

Two questions from today:

  1. Why is there a phrase “As drunk as a skunk”? How drunk are skunks exactly. Is there an epidemic of alcoholism and cirrhosis of the liver in skunks? Is the famous odor of skunk simply a fart from too much beer? Or do skunks prefer wine or liquor? It can’t be just because skunk and drunk rhyme, can it?
  2. Why do testicles hurt so much from glancing blows, let alone full impact? You would think placing such a sensitive, nerve packed organ in such an easily injured spot is either poor design or bad evolutionary practice. =/

~S

x

Spent most of the day in the dorm, save for meals & medication. Tomorrow promises more the same. Going a little stir crazy, which is odd for me, considering. Minor dorm arguments have also started breaking out. Thankfully I haven’t been a part of any of them.

Mailed off homemade (prisonmade?) card and letter to “B” today. I think she’ll like it. :)

Impure thoughts have started to resurface. :( Must start reading & praying more. Primary answers, but the Lord never said effective had to be complex. :/

Card dude just came by to borrow radio. Was about to refuse, then realized I might need friends if my ugly truth came out. Figured 1 hour would be sufficient friendship. ;)

I learned today that on the outside people won’t try to talk to you while you take a crap. In here, it’s just another place for people to ask you for something. Was taking a crap when one of my dorm-mates asked if he could borrow my magic-shave. Ummmmmm.. ok. What am I supposed to say? My pants are around my ankles. lol

Anyway, one page pretty much filled. If I am ambitious, I MIGHT write more tonight.

~S

x

So a thought occurred to me last night, right before bed.

Why do humans appear to be the only species that require an additional item after they expel waste? Yes, boys and girls, I’m talking about toilet paper!

Cats just drop their presents in the litter box and walk away. Dogs do their business and then go about their business. Birds are well-known as the animal equivalent of bombardier’s.

To the best of my knowledge, no primate uses leaves to wipe their behinds after they poop. So that would discount the evolutionary aspect of it. Chimps might use their waste as a weapon and fling it, but I’m talking about the necessity of using other material for hygiene purposes.

No-where else on this planet do you find another species who behaves in this regard.

Yet, I hardly feel people would choose this as our “claim to fame”. =/

x

ponderousowl.jpg

So a thought occurred to me.

  1. Every yeah, millions of homes are invaded by an elderly man. The sheer volume of cases of breaking and entering would choke the entire judicial system if they were tried individually.
  2. We encourage this unlawful behavior by leaving tempting treats out for this man, who has a legendary sweet tooth.
  3. Annually we go out of our way to seek down this fat man. When we find him, do we have him arrested? No. We ask our children to sit in his lap!
  4. Justifiably, some children are terrified to be around such a hardened criminal. We insist they do it anyway, even over their express displeasure.
  5. Almost invariably, we pay a stranger to take photos of our children sitting in this lecherous man’s lap. We then save these pictures for them to remember the occasion once they have grown up. We also share these photos with friends and family members.
All of this is done under the blanket of “wholesome, traditional, family values”…. Am I the only one who see’s something wrong with this picture?
x

1) For someone as straight-laced as I, how do I know what marijuana smells like? I have NEVER even toked up, but I still can recognize the scent.

2) Why the hell does my poo smell like pot!!????

x

I’ve noticed a troubling trend on Facebook. Virtual boyfriends.

I’m really wondering if I should find it amusing or disturbing. I can accept Farmville, Puzzle Pirates, etc. But a virtual boyfriend?

I have a friend who updates her wall about she just had a hot date with him or he just bought her flowers/chocolate. Oh look! He just gave her a kiss!

At what point does this cross over into crazy-cat-lady territory??

I know this is the pot calling the kettle, but does this strike anyone else as a bit odd? Isn’t this one step from inventing a girlfriend/boyfriend????

I’m not sure why this works me up as much as it does. It also seems like she is resigning herself to being single, so she’s making up virtual boyfriends on Facebook. It’s in-your-face isolation. I’m pretty isolated myself, I’m man enough to admit it. But even I, the quintessential geek, won’t start broadcasting on Facebook that I’m not only single, but so starved for attention that I’ll start dating some pixels.

I leave that stuff for it’s proper place, my blog.

x

IMG_0002.JPG

x

2006-10-16.jpg