x

Feeling down all of a sudden. Like, within the past 10 minutes. Hello roller-coaster.

It’s nights like this that are the hardest in here. It’s mostly quiet, so I just have my own thoughts to bang around inside my skull. It’s weird, normally I like the quiet. I’m a fairly solitary individual.

But tonight.. I vacillate between wanting to smash my head against the cinder-block wall, and just crawl under the covers and block out the world.

I miss so much. I miss feeling at peace. I miss a life where things make sense. I miss being surrounded by people who care more about what they can earn than what can be given to them. Or worse, what they can trick people out of. :(

I miss it all. I miss my life.

I miss.

-S

x

Not a bad day today, except Ofc. Severs was on the rag. =/ Oh well. I’m gonna treat him like McCreary. He wants attention and to get a rise out of us. The best way to shut him down is to not feed into his power struggle.

Very funny Big Bang tonight. Indy Jones. Truth or Dare. Girls night out. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! ;)

Alternating between reading 1984 and The Fountainhead. Both are not inconsequential reads.

Don’t feel like writing more Ouroboros tonight, so I won’t. Blah! Hehehehehe.

I hope it will be easier to write when I have a keyboard in front of me. =/

Anyway, off to read more of Big Brother.

~S

x

A little tired at the moment, but it might be food coma. ;)

Picked up “Ouroboros” yesterday. Wrote about a page, and even that took me/the story in an unexpected direction. Not bad, just didn’t see it coming. Don’t know if it’s good that I write with no definite purpose, just a general direction. But, then again, it shows my characters have their own voices. Strange.

I’m kinda slogging through a rough spot in the story. I know in general where the story should go, but to get there is where I’m having trouble. I don’t think I’ll have any issues moving the story along once I’m there. :/

Anyway, enough for now. Nose has started to drip like a faucet. :(

~S

x

This visit with parents went very well. :) Yummy food. They might visit again tomorrow, but Dad cautions not to count on it. Mom is avoiding the stake conference, so they are free. But, the unstated thought was that visiting me is not exactly cheap. Disney food prices without the Disney fun. :/

Nose is healing. I think in a couple days you won’t even be able to tell I faceplanted. Nose is stuffy though. So might be coming down with something. Actually, it alternates between running and being stuffy, as if it can’t make up its mind.

Had a growing urge to pick back up “Ouroboros” recently. Re-read it tonight. Not as bad as I thought it was, regarding writing or how it was left off. I can definitely see how to pick up the thread again. But, do I want to? It endangers my sobriety, but is it better to get it out of my head? I know purging the JoJ story helped a lot.

Probably pick it back up, but not certain. Must think about it further.

~S

x

Didn’t journal yesterday. Mania was in full force.

Which also meant I didn’t talk about the great faceplant of February 2013. ;) Nose is still sensitive. Left palm is sore. Right edge of hand sore. Good thing I’ve given up jerking off while in prison. Hehehehe. Also, left pinky still complaining from the “bite” my locker gave it.

All-in-all, not a good day for Steve’s body. Yet I was still in an overjoyed mood.

On a more positive note, parents should be visiting me today! Yay! Hehehehehe. I’m sure their first reaction to my nose is to ask if it collided with a fist. ;)

Oh!, and I also “had my ears lowered”. Very drafty now. lol

Oh! x2, also received my colored pencils yesterday. Expensive, but worth it.

Anyway, gonna read and relax until called for “viso”.

~S

x

Happy V-day to me. 53 weeks to go!! Hehehehe

It was a pretty good day today. Quiet and uneventful. Just the way I like it. Rained in the afternoon, but sadly no thunderstorms. Oh well, can’t have everything. :/

I’m looking forward to Mom & Dad visiting on Saturday. Not just for the food, though that is a bonus. :)

Begged money off family. Hope to put it to good use. Colored pencils should be in my possession tomorrow. Very much looking forward to that.

I feel my mania coming on. Also feel like I’m burning my candle at both ends. Started out this entry fine, but suddenly growing weary. Gonna sleep.

~S

x

It’s been a couple days since I wrote. Read 4 books since Friday. :) I’m just a readin’ machine.

Finally was able to mail my books home today. The 2+ month quest is completed. Whew!

Now I’m back to “The Fountainhead“. That’s a good book to make me pace myself. ;)

Anyway, more later probably.

~S

x

Very weird dreams. Last night I dreamed I was part of Dinner: Impossible and was trying to feed the compound of 1,000-plus with 4 filet steaks. Even in my dream, after starting seasoning the steaks, I realized “This is impossible”. I blame talking about Restaurant: Impossible with Mom, and that Longhorn Steakhouse commercial.

Then I took a nap after breakfast and had this really weird dream about a parade where guys had put gauges (big holes) through their penises, and others had zippers in their scrotums. Ewwww.

Then suddenly I had this small stained glass window in a wooden frame, which I was trying to return to my mother. I had to take this long, winding, torch-lit road back to the start of the parade route. During the walk I encountered more weird “exhibits”, but no one obstructed or molested me.

When I found Mom, she was sitting in the bar of an Applebee’s-type restaurant with her friend Joan. Mom had a bowl of cereal w/ milk in it in front of her. It was almost consumed. I think Joan had a chocolate martini or something like that. Then I woke up.

Very weird dream. I’ll write more later. :)

~S

 

x

Had a good visit with Mom & Dad today. Yum-Yums! :)

So glad they came today. I find I live for visitation. :)

After “viso”, they didn’t let us return to our dorms. They brought the dogs in to sniff the visitation park and the parking lot. They also shook down B-dorm… again.

When will B-dorm learn to stop smuggling crap in!? Probably never *eye roll*

They (meaning staff) also inspected hair & facial hair for A & D dorms. Lots of people suddenly went bald when I was at visitation. ;) Mu-hahahahaha

Ugh… Swamp is weaving another conspiracy web of crap to DC. I don’t know how he (DC) can stand spending so much time with Swamp. Sheesh.

Ok. Off to read more. I’ll follow-up tomorrow.

~S

x

Received lots of books today. :) Very happy about that. I had a 9:30 call-out at mental health, which didn’t actually see me until 10:30. Normally that wouldn’t be a big deal, but I had a property call-out at 10. :/

Luckily I was able to follow Ms. Peterson during 2nd yard and receive the books, but it fouled up my plan to mail the old books home. It looks like I’ll have to wait until Tuesday to do that. :/

Received my MP3 case and armband as well. Very happy about that.

A surprise was receiving my replacement electric razor. Ecstatic about that. :) :) :) Already did one pass, which removed quite a bit of stubble. I will do a 2nd pass tonight. So nice to be shaven, and I didn’t have to be scraped raw with clippers at the barber shop. :)

Anyway, looking forward to seeing Mom & Dad tomorrow. Off to shave.

~S

P.S. – Pic figured out “Buck” was the one who ripped me off. “Buck” has checked in and will probably be sent to another camp. :(

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