Work


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I don’t wanna come off lunch. Matt will be leaving RIGHT after I come back, then I’ll be left to fend off these idiots for the rest of the night. Grrrr.

What kind of idiot schedules a customer service job to only one person for three fucking hours anyway???

I can’t wait to hear it “Is there anybody else who can help me?”

Yes bitch, there is an entire army of Geek Squad agents behind the curtain just jerking off to a picture of your wrinkly, retired, smelly ass on the monitor.

*sigh* Gonna be one of those nights, I can tell you right now.

Location:U.S. 441,Lady Lake,United States

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I’ve been thinking a lot about my life. What have I contributed to the world? Have I made a difference? What does my future hold?

I’ved come to some stark realizations. I haven’t contributed anything. Sure, I’ve survived.. but what does that mean anymore? Yes, I continue to draw breath, convert oxygen to carbon dioxide. So maybe I’ve saved a plant or two. But so does the average sheep.

Have I made a difference? Nope. I know I had potential. I know people say I’m smart. Maybe I am. But I haven’t done anything with that. Nothing at all. I’m a divorced man 36-year old man, living with mommy and daddy. How pathetic. I work a job that more and more looks like a monkey could do it. The sad part? I actually enjoy it usually.

What does my future hold? I have no idea. I don’t even know if I hope to have a future.

Every night I drive home from work with my window down (have I mentioned that living in Florida in the summer with no AC and only 1 window that rolls down SUCKS?), and part of me hopes I’ll be car jacked. I figure one of three things will happen.

1) I’ll get shot or stabbed because I won’t hand over my car. I’ll actually dare them to kill me. =/ Just to release me from this husk of a life.

2) I’ll piss or shit myself.

3) I’ll be a smart ass and try to grab the persons arm and accelerate. I must admit a perverse amusement to this idea, seeing how fast they can run as I turn the tables on them.

Yes, I know I’m depressed. I don’t like having these thoughts. I’ve had them for over 6 months.

I put on a happy face. Rarely do I let people know that I’m dying inside, and long for the outside to match the inside.

I know I should get help. I know these feelings will lead me to a dark place where no good can come of it.

I just don’t care anymore. About me or about life. Let the rest of the populace scurry about for their cheese. I just want to punch my time card and leave.

Can I get my parking validated?

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I’m getting tired of this bullshit from clients. I try to understand them, reassure them, support them… No praise. I piss of a client by following SOP, and get pulled into the managers office.

There is no way to fuckin’ win!

Location:U.S. 441,Lady Lake,United States

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Something happened today that kinda depressed me. I know, I know.. like I needed some type of stimulus to depress me. =/

For the last couple years, I’ve retreated from physical contact with others. A customer would touch my arm or hand while I tried to help them, and I’d run for the hand sanitizer. It’s classic OCD behavior. Washing over and over, turning the right way, “unwinding” when I turned around, checking and rechecking locks, etc.

One of my co-workers rubbed my back today. I know he kinda meant it to creep me out, but it felt nice… REALLY nice. Not sexual… but it was almost like a drop of rain on parched soil. I just soaked it up. I couldn’t really tell him how good it felt.. but .. it meant so much.

Then I started just kinda poking Amy in her side. Felt good, very good.

Have I become so isolated, so insulated from everyone else that a simple touch from another person can make me feel so energized that I feel like I’m about to b apart into a thousand tiny pieces?

It’s nice that I can still feel, but depressing that something so simple can affect me so much. =/

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I STILL don’t intend for this blog to only be a “funny picture” blog, but I was telling a friend about this tonight, and they asked to see the pic.

For those of you not in the know, this is NOT how to upgrade your computer. :)

Yes, the client taped a second hard drive to a block of wood, then taped the block to the computer case. *eye roll*

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(Note: I’m releasing this letter “to the universe”. I doubt she even knows of this blog.)

Ashley,

I’m writing this because you refuse to discuss things like a reasonable person. I’ve tried talking to you, you’ve yelled and punched walls. I’ve tried time and time again to help you. You’ve decided you don’t want my help. From this point forward, you shall not have it.

I’ve felt so guilty at work. I’ve avoided you. I’ve looked away from you. I’ve tried to busy myself while you flirt with everything that has a penis.

No more.

I’m tired of walking on eggshells around you. I’m the wronged party in this whole affair.

I have no idea why you’ve chosen this path. I don’t understand how you can slap away simple friendship. You’ve accused me of “acting like a high schooler”. Yet, why am I the only one talking?

You aren’t worth my affection, and you aren’t worthy of my love.

I did love you. Fully and wholeheartedly, I loved you. You had my devotion, my respect, and my trust. How did you respond to this? You not only kicked me out of your bed, but invited another into it before my ass hit the floor.

You decided to end our relationship over the most trivial of reasons. I didn’t talk to your for 4 days. I try to reconcile, you bite my head off. I give you space, you kiss another man. I try to talk to you, you suck his dick.

You are the lowest form of trash I’ve ever known. You critique your sister because she sleeps around, but at least she’s honest when she spreads her legs. Both she and her current lover know it means nothing to each other.

You, instead, lead me on. You played the hurt, vulnerable girl to perfection. I helped you in any way I could. I comforted you, loved you, worshipped you. You ate it all up.

Then, over the slightest reason, you threw me away. But, no… dumping me would be too clean. You decided to kiss Ken while we were still a couple.

I wonder, would you have ever told me about it? Would you have let me continue chasing you around, trying to make a relationship work that you decided to not even try to salvage?

Part of me wants to curse you up one side and down the other. It wants to hurt you, give you the same pain you’ve given me. It wants to place you in the same black pit that you consigned me to.

It would be easy, so very easy.

But, unlike you, I’ll decide to not “act like a high schooler”. You won’t have my anger. You won’t have my guilt. You won’t have my heart, and you’ve lost all the respect I once held for you.

You do, however, have my pity. You’ve thrown away one of the greatest men you will ever meet. I did everything for you. I subjugated my desires for yours. I put you on a pedestal. If there was anything in my power to do or give you, I did it.

This is who you’ve thrown away.

I deserve better than you, and by god, I will have it!

You are no longer worthy of my attention. You are my co-worker, nothing else. If you choose not to communicate with me at work, the fault is yours. If it impacts your work, I will make sure that those in positions of leadership are made aware and you are held accountable for it.

You are nothing to me now. I will think of you as dead until the universe makes you so, and then I will think of you no more.

-Stephen

Now playing: Rush LimbaughWed, October 6th, 2010 Hour 1

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I have to admit, I’m looking forward to work today. Splice drops today, and that’s the movie Ashley and I saw on our first date. It’s gonna be interesting if she’s at work today with a constant reminder of our first date. Mu-hahahahahaha.

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I had a client come into the store a couple days ago that wanted to sell his 8GB iPod Touch back to us through the Best Buy Trade-In Program.

The iPod Touch was purchased in May.. this is the end of September.. 4 months. He bought the iPod Touch for $199.

The gift card he took back was for $24. In his defense, this was the better choice out of two VERY BAD options. He could have taken a check for $16 instead.

4 months.. getting a little over 10% of his purchase price back.

I could be jaded and call it an idiot tax.. but I feel bad for the guy. I felt it was an insult what the company offered him.

I still did it though. I prefer being an employed bastard over being a broke nice guy.

Now playing: www.forthehorderadio.comFor The Horde Radio – Episode Forty Eight – Useless Holidays and TLR. What Could Be Better?

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I can’t help it. Every time I see Ashley at work my heart skips a beat.

It’s weird, I’m not in love with her anymore. I don’t really even like her all that much anymore. She’s totally fucked me over.

And yet, every time I see her talking to a customer, giving a hug to a coworker, hell.. just even passing by, my breath catches and my heart drops a bit.

I don’t understand why my body does this to me. =/

I know that if she offered to get back together with me, I would turn her down. I’ve seen too much ugliness to ever consider that.

Friends? I’m not sure about that. After what she’s done, I can’t just act like it didn’t happen. I think that she will have to earn my trust back. I’m positive that she won’t be willing to work to gain my trust. She’s too selfish for that, and too proud.

Sometimes I wish I could just ice my heart. It would be easier, especially at work. =/

Now playing: www.forthehorderadio.comFor The Horde Radio – Episode Forty Eight – Useless Holidays and TLR. What Could Be Better?

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