Rants


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I’m tired of this crap. Every day the same as another, with no hope of moving forward. I’m surrounded by idiots who are not interested in expanding themselves. They view me as weak, and I’m not! Part of me wants to fight, even if I lose, just so people can see I have a breaking point.

I was thinking the other day about how hurt I am that Elena abandoned me for all intents and purposes. I know I screwed up, I know I broke the law, but her not even writing so I can explain my side of the story is a level of cold I didn’t know she was capable of. Especially at me, who would have gone through hell for her. It’s like kicking the crippled puppy because it can’t fetch the ball. (Damn, that analogy bummed me out!)

On the other hand, am I any better? All “Badger” wanted to do was love me. Yet I’m scared of becoming husband #5. =/ She, admittedly, does not have the best track record with relationships. Also, the fact that we had such wildly different faiths concerned me more than I thought it would. =(

Perhaps it’s better for everyone if I live out my days alone. =/

-S

x

Not a bad day today, except Ofc. Severs was on the rag. =/ Oh well. I’m gonna treat him like McCreary. He wants attention and to get a rise out of us. The best way to shut him down is to not feed into his power struggle.

Very funny Big Bang tonight. Indy Jones. Truth or Dare. Girls night out. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! ;)

Alternating between reading 1984 and The Fountainhead. Both are not inconsequential reads.

Don’t feel like writing more Ouroboros tonight, so I won’t. Blah! Hehehehehe.

I hope it will be easier to write when I have a keyboard in front of me. =/

Anyway, off to read more of Big Brother.

~S

x

Had a good visit with Mom & Dad today. Yum-Yums! :)

So glad they came today. I find I live for visitation. :)

After “viso”, they didn’t let us return to our dorms. They brought the dogs in to sniff the visitation park and the parking lot. They also shook down B-dorm… again.

When will B-dorm learn to stop smuggling crap in!? Probably never *eye roll*

They (meaning staff) also inspected hair & facial hair for A & D dorms. Lots of people suddenly went bald when I was at visitation. ;) Mu-hahahahaha

Ugh… Swamp is weaving another conspiracy web of crap to DC. I don’t know how he (DC) can stand spending so much time with Swamp. Sheesh.

Ok. Off to read more. I’ll follow-up tomorrow.

~S

x

Had a very shitty morning. Ugh and ewwwww. On the positive side, I had no problem producing this morning. On the negative, my cup runneth over. Literally. :(

So my appointment was at 5:30. They drew blood and then I had to produce a stool sample. At first we thought it was just a popsicle stick thing. Shit, wipe, scoop from TP using stick, and smear on card.

Oh, if only it had been that simple. :(

The doctor wanted to check me for parasites, so she needed a LOT more of a sample. The nurse first gave me a Dixie cup, then reconsidered and gave me a urine collection container. She advised me that I had to “play catch”, not “go fishing”.

Thankfully I thought to ask for a glove. When I got into the bathroom and squatted… well, there’s no delicate way to put this. I produced lots of peanut butter. Packed that container in one go, and overflowed onto my gloved hand. Ewwww.

So I rinsed my hand in the toilet and scooped off the “dome” on the urine cup and set it on the drainage grate in the bathroom. Now to clean up.

Easier said than done. My “aim” had been off, or something splashed or ran down my leg. :( So I had to clean the toilet seat and my thighs first. Then I started to wipe…. and ran out of TP. :I

So I pulled up my pants a bit and crack the door to ask for more TP. They can only give me paper towels. Four of them. I quickly exhaust these. I crack the door again to ask for more. I other inmates are upset. I’m throwing off their pee test schedule. I tell them I can’t do anything, there’s shit up my ass in here. While I wait for the guard to bring more towels, I crack the vials (with built-in spoons) and start scooping and shaking.

Great. Shit soup. *eye roll*

The stack of towels arrives. I wipe and clean up as best I can, but in the end I just say “hell with it”, I’ll shower at the dorm.

But now it’s count time, so I can’t go anywhere. I stand by the window to try to keep from offending my fellow inmates. I’m not sure it worked. :/

Breakfast had been delivered, but with my shitty hands I wasn’t about to eat. Who the hell doesn’t put soap in a bathroom!?

So I wait for the count to clear, while the others go empty their bladders, complain how it stinks in there, the toilet won’t flush due to paper towels clogging it, and how messy the bathroom is.

Count clears and I virtually run out the door. My OCD is really in overdrive now. Must! Get! Clean!

Of course, the nearest gate to the yard is locked, so I have to go the long way around.

I get to the dorm and prepare for my shower. I had already decided the blues would be changed out, as well as whites, since burning was not a viable option. :/

My undershirt was unmarked, surprisingly, so I decided to wear that. The boxers had stains, but not as badly as I feared. I decided to wash them in the shower and wear them tomorrow after they dried. I didn’t want to stink up the room with shitty boxers in my laundry bag.

So the shower helped reset my OCD. It’s nice being clean. :)

I washed the boxers and wrung them out. Good so far. I towel off. Just when I’m about done, I fart. I thought it was dry. The brown streak on my towel proved otherwise. :(

SHIT! (Literally!)

So I decide to wash the towel in the sink of our room and finish getting dressed.

Once back in the room, I did just that. Wrung it out in the shower (gee, wasn’t I just here?), and hanged it on the bed post.

Then the dorm officer said he was gonna do a mini-inspection. So I took down the laundry bags, jackets, soaps, calendar, etc.

I couldn’t do anything about the towel or boxers. I refuse to get mildew for a mini-inspection. Hell with it.

So, like I said, a shitty morning. It’s not even lunch yet. Greeeeeaaaat!

~S

x

So the “motivational speaker” was a sermon. I tuned it out almost immediately. Not because I’m anti-religion, but I believe a motivational speaker shouldn’t bring a religious message. They should be able to motivate on their own merits without piggybacking on a Judeo-Christian foundation. :/

To aid me in “producing” tomorrow, I’m eating 4 packets of Apple & Cinnamon oatmeal. That should flush me out. :) Of course, I just realized my guts won’t really have an “off” switch. :/ The things I do for science. :(

Finally hit my stride in Dance with Dragons. It’s about time, sheesh. 3/4 of the way through.

Anyway, enough writing. Must choke down another packet and a half of oatmeal.

~S

x

Cloudy day this morning, but not cold thankfully. This afternoon is Ray Charles’s daughter. *eye roll*

Swamp is being annoying. He asks a question to everyone on the wing. Sometimes I think he just likes to hear the sound of his own voice. Bleh.

Butthole hurts from big poop this morning. Hope I can squat and produce on command tomorrow.

Such lovely things to preserve for posterity, isn’t it? ;)

Anyway, enough drivel for now.

~S

x

So it wasn’t an escape, and it (probably) wasn’t short staff. For Black History Month we are having special guests from time to time. Tomorrow we are having the daughter of Ray Charles to speak to us. Thus, a stage was erected during 1st rec, and we didn’t get 2nd rec. Oh well.

I have two questions. First, why is being the offspring of a celebrity a reason for someone to be treated with reverence? So what? Her dad got busy and produced her. It happens every day and those children aren’t asked to speak in prisons. :/

Second, when is Caucasian History month? Or Asian History month? What about Hispanic History, or Arab History? Why do blacks get their dicks sucked, so to speak?

My family is immigrants. We had no part of the stain of slavery in this country. Why should we bear the burden of others actions based upon the color of our skin? For that matter, why should anyone? :(

~S

x

Short yard this morning. Inmate.com says a tip was called in of a man in blue pants with a white stripe was spotted outside the gates. Another theory is that the prison didn’t have enough staff for yard. The latter is much more likely.

My question is: If they didn’t have the staff, why call yard at all? It’s not like staff are going to magically appear when yard is called. :/

Anyway, I’ll know more if/when they call master count.

~S

x

Music credits showed up today and were very quickly redeemed. Yay! Something other than the same 9 songs! :)

Today we were greeted with our bunks and lockers being tossed during 2nd red. Fun. Was very pissed that they didn’t make any effort to treat personal property with respect. Should grieve it, but don’t want to make waves.

Bought a 2x thermal top today. Wonder if I bought my stolen one back. =/ Oh well, at least I won’t be cold at night.

Pic kicked my ass at Scrabble this afternoon. 97 to 198, I think. lol

Finished buying the last of my replacement toiletries today. Hopefully they will remain there until the domino is drilled properly. =/ That was supposed to be today, but they ran into technical difficulties. Tomorrow then.

Anyway, nothing else to report. More tomorrow.

~S

x

Realized this morning that one benefit (if there can be such) to my confinement is that I usually get to see sunrises on a regular basis. It is breathtaking to behold the beauty of God’s creation. Sunsets too. They fill me with hope. To gaze upon the majestic beauty, that fences and razor wire can not diminish.

Today is Super Bowl Sunday. Honestly, I’ll be glad when it’s over. Bleh! But, at least it should give me a couple of hours of uninterrupted reading time. :)

Gonna try to hit the canteen today, to replenish what was stolen from me. *sigh* I keep telling myself it could have been worse, but I have trouble truly feeling that. Intellectually, I accept it. Emotionally, I don’t. I can’t help feeling like I was singled out because of my charge. =/

Anyway, gonna lay down. It’s a rare opportunity to lay down during count, and I’m gonna make the most of it.

~S

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