Inspection didn’t go well, which is surprising. I thought we did well.

Tonight is the last night of the RNC. Very interested in hearing Marco Rubio & Romney.

Dad’s been approved for visitation, but not Mom yet. I’ll probably get a notice about her tomorrow night. :) It will be nice to see them again. Last time was through a pane of plexiglass. =/

Next in “Left Behind” series was mutilated. Grrrr. Back cover & last couple pages missing. What’s the point of reading a book if you can’t read it’s conclusion?

Still not king, damn-it. Hehehehehe

Also, no “Clash of Kings”. Have to believe it’s coming tomorrow.

No letter from “B” in about 2 weeks it feels like. If nothing tomorrow, I’ll write a letter to see what’s up. Concerned.

Miss freedom. Find myself fantasizing about the open road often. I think it’s a healthy fantasy, and better than other things I could be dwelling on.

Really starting to think transportation gig is locked in. :)



Inspection tomorrow – Meh

Isaac coverage still on TV – Aggravating

New Orleans flooding – Smug “I told you so”

Read “Left Behind” in about 26 hours. Very fast read, and not really doctrinally different than my understanding of LDS doctrine, but I could be wrong. Pleasant read, much better than my last “Christian” book I read here, “The Unseen Essential”. That was a little too “pat” and made the suspension of disbelief difficult.

Ann Romney was good last night, and it makes me upset to see the liberal media try to pick her speech apart, but then I remember they are the propaganda arm of the Democrat party. Still stings, but puts it in context.

So hopefully “Clash of Kings” will arrive soon. =/ I could always read “Tribulation Force” too.

Anyway, close enough. I want to listen to the talking heads. I’ll try not to yell at the radio. ;)



I’m not sure what to write here. What is the proper verbage for a suicide note? Do I try to crack jokes? Do I be all glum and depressing?

No. I will write like I lived my life. Depressed in portions, but with manically joyful interludes. Please excuse me if I quote movies or crack a sarcastic comment, but it is my show after all.

If all goes according to plan, this post should appear after I have passed on. Hopefully I was successful. If I was not, I want my wishes known that I do not wish ANY heroic means to be taken on my behalf. If I have been placed on any life-support devices prior to this letter being discovered, my wish is to have those disconnected immediately. Even though my loved ones might not agree with my decision to end my life, I ask them to respect my wishes.

I’m sure that many are confused and hurt by my decision to end my life. I wish I could save each of you the grief you are no doubt experiencing. I know it doesn’t count for much right now, but I want you to know I did not reach this decision lightly. While I vehemently wish the circumstances were different, choices are being made which will render my quality of life unlivable.

I wish my life, and my death, to stand as notice to present and future lawmakers. The system you have put into place leaves no gray area, no consideration for victim-less crimes. Whatever I might, or might not have done, is no longer relevant. I have placed myself beyond your reach. The penalty I was facing was far in excess of any crime I might have committed. Minimum of 8 1/2 years (with a lifetime registration) to a maximum of 135 years?

What I was accused of was a victim-less crime. I neither endorsed, condoned, or advised anyone to perform any actions. I neither compensated, nor was compensated, by anyone.

I stood accused of looking at pictures and videos that were available on the internet. Even if I were guilty of what the state says I am, you must remember that I was alone in my room. I was neither harming, nor harmed by anyone.

Judge that in relation to those individuals who are accused and convicted of actual harmful interactions with a child. I remember reading a story in the local paper about two men who took upskirt pictures of a 9 year-old girl. Convicted. Their sentence? Probation. That’s IT. Notice I didn’t say they had to register as sex offenders, because they didn’t.

Yet I have felt the full weight and power of the state of Florida upon my back. For allegedly looking at pictures and a couple of videos.

In what way does this make any semblance of sense?

This penalty is out of all proportion to any alleged crime I might have committed. It is too much to bear. I refuse to bear it.

Lawmakers: I’m sure I’m not the first, and I’m sure I won’t be the last. Most of whom you accuse are good, decent, hardworking individuals who may have made bad choices. I count myself among them. Yet your system leaves no room for not only the state of mind of the accused, but also their ability to harm the public at large. Such inflexible totality by a government cannot stand.

We therefor reject your sense of morality, and we reject your control over us. The restrictions you seek to impose upon us constitute cruel and unusual punishment.

What was once a law set to protect the public at large has morphed into a scarlet letter.

I refuse to wear this mark of shame. I don’t want to die, but I would rather die than submit myself to such an onerous law. By the time this post goes public, I hope my attempt is successful.

I take this action not out of fear of facing the consequences of any supposed wrong doing, but because the penalty proposed would strip my life of any meaning and value. Rather than have the state destroy me, I perform this final act as a defiance against the tyranny imposed upon me by an unjust government.

Now I speak to my friends and family, for they are the true victims here. Even more so than myself.

Mom & Dad – This was not your fault. I know the initial reaction you will have is to ask if you could have done more. You couldn’t. You have supported me in ways I never expected. Some parents would wash their hands of a child under these circumstances, but you didn’t. Yes, you have supported me financially. But more importantly, you have supported me emotionally. You are the best parents I could have ever hoped for. This is not your fault. This is the fault of overzealous lawmakers and far sweeping legislation. I feel this is the only course left me that would allow my life to have meaning. From the time of that fateful June morning, this has been on the horizon. I had hoped the storm would pass me by, but it was not to be. As Charles Dickens wrote, “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known”.

To my friends in Off the Air – You have been more than friends to me, you have been a family. When I was feeling depressed or down, just listening and talking to you brought my mood up. Thank you. You have helped me in so many way, I couldn’t even begin to count.

To my friends and former co-workers at Best Buy – We shared some wonderful times together. I wish I had left under different circumstances, but it was not in the cards. Master Yoda must now become one with The Force.

To my sister, Karen – I’m sorry that our relationship wasn’t better. I’m sorry that I always kept you at arm’s length. You are a loving, wonderful sister. I wish that I was able to get over my anxiety and know you better. I’m sorry.

To Jennifer – I’m sorry that I wasn’t a better husband to you. In retrospect, I realize that I undermined our marriage at every opportunity. I used to blame you, or at least want to share the blame equally. I know that I left you no other choice but divorce. I don’t blame you for anything. Thank you for sharing your life with me.

Elena – Perhaps it’s best that I never got my wish and was able to date you. Maybe we could have had something. I don’t know. What I do know is that you don’t deserve to be involved in any of this. Thank you for being my friend, and for letting me down easy.

To Chuck/Christine/Andrew – I wish we had been able to get to know each other more as adults. You were great friends to me as a teen. Though our lives have gone in different directions, I want you to know that I’ve treasured the time we shared.

If I’ve missed anyone else, I’m sorry. You can imagine the mental confusion and turmoil that I am going through at the moment. If you’ve known me, you know how you’ve affected me.

To everyone, please remember the good times we’ve shared. Though I might be departing this world a little ahead of schedule, I hope it doesn’t diminish how I hopefully have enriched your life, and how you have enriched mine.

Finally, being a geek, I leave you with what I hope is similar to what I will find on the other side of the veil.

Pippin Took: I didn’t think it would end this way.
Gandalf the White: End? No, the journey doesn’t end here. Death is just another path. One that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass… then you see it!
Pippin Took: What? Gandalf? See what?
Gandalf the White: White shores… and beyond. A far green country, under a swift sunrise.
Pippin Took: Well, that isn’t so bad.
Gandalf the White: No… no, it isn’t.



NOTE: I’d prefer to delete this, but you asked to see this. I’m fine right now. Really. :) 01/17/2012


How could I leave without saying goodbye to you?

Due to your situation, I didn’t want this part made public. Only you should be able to see it.

First, by the time you read this I should have made you a co-author on my blog. You will have access to see everything, and control on putting up any new posts, as well as taking down old ones. It’s up to you how you wish to use this. I will have deleted my password for this blog from my system, so my parents won’t be able to change anything. They will want their son’s suicide note to come down, but I believe it should remain a testament to the public on what the laws of protection are doing to un-convicted defendants.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t share this with you in life. The system is set up that if I wanted to protect my ass, the fewer people who knew the better. I couldn’t even talk to my parents about it. For almost three years I’ve suffered in silence. You have no comprehension the number of times I wanted to tell you, needed to tell you. But I couldn’t. Perhaps my greatest fear would be if you had been assigned to transcribe a deposition about my case. =/

I’m sorry that I was forced to take this path. I really didn’t want to. I held off as long as I could, but I felt the time had come when no other paths were left open to me.

I may have made some mistakes. Hell, I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. Now you know why I was always beating myself up. My damned sense of morality and honor was kicking my teeth in every chance it could.

I’m sorry that I won’t get to hold you in my arms. That I won’t get to see the kids grow up. That we will never get the chance to sit on the porch swing and just enjoy the evening air. All that has been stolen from you. From us. I’m sorry.

I want you to know that I truly, fiercely, desperately love you. I’ve said it before, you loved me when I felt un-lovable. You loved me when I didn’t even love myself.

You were a single, shining, radiant point of light to me. To my last breath, I will thank whatever higher power there is that you came into my life.

I love you. Now. Forever.

“… comes the end of our Fellowship. I will not say do not weep, for not all tears are an evil.”




So a thought occurred to me.

  1. Every yeah, millions of homes are invaded by an elderly man. The sheer volume of cases of breaking and entering would choke the entire judicial system if they were tried individually.
  2. We encourage this unlawful behavior by leaving tempting treats out for this man, who has a legendary sweet tooth.
  3. Annually we go out of our way to seek down this fat man. When we find him, do we have him arrested? No. We ask our children to sit in his lap!
  4. Justifiably, some children are terrified to be around such a hardened criminal. We insist they do it anyway, even over their express displeasure.
  5. Almost invariably, we pay a stranger to take photos of our children sitting in this lecherous man’s lap. We then save these pictures for them to remember the occasion once they have grown up. We also share these photos with friends and family members.
All of this is done under the blanket of “wholesome, traditional, family values”…. Am I the only one who see’s something wrong with this picture?


This is an indicator of how bad the education system is.


This is why the other countries are laughing at us.





I don’t know why I try anymore. I really don’t. Everything I know turns to shit.

Married a woman. Thought I was happy. Had the house, the cars, the dog and cat.

OVER. Divorced. She’s pregnant from another man before the divorce is even finalized.

Fell in love with a great girl. Thought maybe she was the reason life had me go through the divorce.

She’s a bisexual and doesn’t reciprocate. I try to play it cool, be a friend, maybe see if she’ll come around.

Never does. Barely even speak to her anymore.

Find what I think is another great girl. She’s younger, but I thought she was mature for her age. She’s been through a lot, so I figure that’s aged her somewhat. She says she loves me, I tell her I love her too.

DUMPED. Sucks another guys dick before we break up. Never speak to her (not that I want to really).

Find ANOTHER woman. Connect to her on such a deep level. Love her. Talk about raising a family with her.

She’s married, an unhappy marriage. But now I’m the home wrecker.

I give up. I can’t ever get what I want, so why even try?

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m gonna die alone. I’m going to leave nothing behind. Nothing to say I was here.

I’ve failed. Everyone wants to leave their mark. Mine is in chalk. Bring the rain and erase all trace of me.


You know.. I really hate to complain (I know, that seems to be all I do on this blog recently) about work. There are plenty of people who would love to have a job in this economy, shitty or not.

It just seems like Best Buy is cutting really deep. I don’t know if this is indicative of a larger issue. A manager told me a couple weeks ago that the last couple years have not been kind to Best Buy. I say that on a public forum like this because, hell.. look at our stock prices over the last 24 months. =/

Anyway.. today I come in to work at 3pm to find that one of the agents has called out. His fiance is about to pop any day now, so I can’t really fault him for missing work. Josh is leaving at 3, Kyle at 4. I’ll be all by myself for the rest of the evening. Oh, and did I mention that since it’s Monday, I have to get ALL the shipping done that’s been piling up over the weekend? While helping clients. While trying to answer the phone? While trying to decide if units that customers have returned are able to be put back out for resale?

It was not the best day in the world.. not the best day at all. =/

Anyway, to get back to my other point. I’m starting to think that maybe the days of the big-box retailers are numbered. How can we compete with the selection of Amazon? We can’t compete with the pricing usually. Hell, most Blu-rays I order from there myself. Their pricing sometimes even beats my employee discount.

Circuit City went belly up and was bought by TigerDirect.com. They also own CompUSA too. Staples, Officemax, and Office Depot? Give me a break? When was the last time that you went in one of their locations and didn’t feel yourself rattle in there? I know that at least for the last 5 years, in both Indiana and here whenever I would enter an office supply store that I’m usually the ONLY customer in the store. A business can’t survive like that.

h.h. Gregg? Even pricier than Best Buy. Wal-Mart undersells a lot of other retailers. Their business model seems high volume, low profit. It seems to be working for them, so more power to them.

I know the only reason that my Best Buy is in the location it is is because most senior citizens are reluctant to order things online. They want to handle things with their own wrinkled and arthritic hands. But they are dying off. How much longer can we remain profitable when more and more people become more comfortable ordering online?

Listened to: One Of My Turns from the album “The Wall [Disc 1]” by Pink Floyd


It’s been a while since I’ve posted a funny picture… So here it is.

Please don’t declare jihad or the inquisition upon me!


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