Funny


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I was at the store today and found myself walking behind a male who was choosing to sag his jeans. I noticed something, he was walking weirdly. I can’t quite call it a duck-walk. But, I theorize, do to his sagged jeans, he was swinging his feet out further than what is a normal gait. It was like his knee was a ball-joint, rather than a hinge. It was strange. Then I went home a did a little research. It’s been theorized that “sagging” can lead to sexual disfunction and “improper gait”.

So, those who would sag, for your health and our sanity.. don’t. Just don’t.

~S

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Mom & Dad are getting a Navy-ish Prius. Go Mom! Hehehehehe. Dad was originally opposed to it, but realized he would be hearing about it for (at least) the next 10 years if he didn’t acquiesce to Mom’s request. So, he let the Wookie win. ;) As the knight in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade said, “You have chosen…. wisely.”

In other news, SAA won’t let 3rd parties order materials for inmates. So I had to write a letter to the ISO, which I cranked out in about 2 hours, including an hour spent watching Jeopardy and The Big Bang Theory. :)

So I feel productive today.

Pic says I don’t belong here. Of course I agree. ;)

Also, struck deal with Pic for him to make beds and clean room for 1 bag of coffee a month. I view it as a good deal. :)

So, I’ve gone from having a valet (Bless) to having a maid (Pic).

Sheesh. Don’t I sound like a spoiled inmate? ;)

~S

 

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Laundry & sheet day today. Hopefully my damp sheets will have dried sufficiently before bed. =/

It was actually a pretty nice day today. It started out chilly, then turned beautiful, now it’s turning chilly again. If the sheets are wet, this does not bode will for our hero.

Two questions from today:

  1. Why is there a phrase “As drunk as a skunk”? How drunk are skunks exactly. Is there an epidemic of alcoholism and cirrhosis of the liver in skunks? Is the famous odor of skunk simply a fart from too much beer? Or do skunks prefer wine or liquor? It can’t be just because skunk and drunk rhyme, can it?
  2. Why do testicles hurt so much from glancing blows, let alone full impact? You would think placing such a sensitive, nerve packed organ in such an easily injured spot is either poor design or bad evolutionary practice. =/

~S

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Had a good visit w/ Mom & Dad today. So nice to not feel abandoned, like a lot of those other inmates. Gerald had his first visit in prison, and he’s been in 4 1/2 years. Shart (what an unfortunate name!) had his first visit on the compound, and he’s been here since Nov. 2011.

Wrote to Carolyn & Bill, as well as Chuck, today. Good to encourage regular mail by responding to letters as I receive them. :) Now I have to work on my “coming out” Twilight letter. ;) I hope to give them mini-heart attacks before the gotcha line. Mu-hahahahahaha

Anyway, more than met my quota from yesterday. lol

~S

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Spent most of the day in the dorm, save for meals & medication. Tomorrow promises more the same. Going a little stir crazy, which is odd for me, considering. Minor dorm arguments have also started breaking out. Thankfully I haven’t been a part of any of them.

Mailed off homemade (prisonmade?) card and letter to “B” today. I think she’ll like it. :)

Impure thoughts have started to resurface. :( Must start reading & praying more. Primary answers, but the Lord never said effective had to be complex. :/

Card dude just came by to borrow radio. Was about to refuse, then realized I might need friends if my ugly truth came out. Figured 1 hour would be sufficient friendship. ;)

I learned today that on the outside people won’t try to talk to you while you take a crap. In here, it’s just another place for people to ask you for something. Was taking a crap when one of my dorm-mates asked if he could borrow my magic-shave. Ummmmmm.. ok. What am I supposed to say? My pants are around my ankles. lol

Anyway, one page pretty much filled. If I am ambitious, I MIGHT write more tonight.

~S

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So a thought occurred to me.

  1. Every yeah, millions of homes are invaded by an elderly man. The sheer volume of cases of breaking and entering would choke the entire judicial system if they were tried individually.
  2. We encourage this unlawful behavior by leaving tempting treats out for this man, who has a legendary sweet tooth.
  3. Annually we go out of our way to seek down this fat man. When we find him, do we have him arrested? No. We ask our children to sit in his lap!
  4. Justifiably, some children are terrified to be around such a hardened criminal. We insist they do it anyway, even over their express displeasure.
  5. Almost invariably, we pay a stranger to take photos of our children sitting in this lecherous man’s lap. We then save these pictures for them to remember the occasion once they have grown up. We also share these photos with friends and family members.
All of this is done under the blanket of “wholesome, traditional, family values”…. Am I the only one who see’s something wrong with this picture?
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1) For someone as straight-laced as I, how do I know what marijuana smells like? I have NEVER even toked up, but I still can recognize the scent.

2) Why the hell does my poo smell like pot!!????

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10 And the young men that were grown up with him spake unto him, saying, Thus shalt thou speak unto this people that spake unto thee, saying, Thy father made our yoke heavy, but make thou it lighter unto us; thus shalt thou say unto them, My little finger shall be thicker than my father’s loins.
-1 Kings 12:10

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I’ve noticed a troubling trend on Facebook. Virtual boyfriends.

I’m really wondering if I should find it amusing or disturbing. I can accept Farmville, Puzzle Pirates, etc. But a virtual boyfriend?

I have a friend who updates her wall about she just had a hot date with him or he just bought her flowers/chocolate. Oh look! He just gave her a kiss!

At what point does this cross over into crazy-cat-lady territory??

I know this is the pot calling the kettle, but does this strike anyone else as a bit odd? Isn’t this one step from inventing a girlfriend/boyfriend????

I’m not sure why this works me up as much as it does. It also seems like she is resigning herself to being single, so she’s making up virtual boyfriends on Facebook. It’s in-your-face isolation. I’m pretty isolated myself, I’m man enough to admit it. But even I, the quintessential geek, won’t start broadcasting on Facebook that I’m not only single, but so starved for attention that I’ll start dating some pixels.

I leave that stuff for it’s proper place, my blog.

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