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Had a very shitty morning. Ugh and ewwwww. On the positive side, I had no problem producing this morning. On the negative, my cup runneth over. Literally. :(

So my appointment was at 5:30. They drew blood and then I had to produce a stool sample. At first we thought it was just a popsicle stick thing. Shit, wipe, scoop from TP using stick, and smear on card.

Oh, if only it had been that simple. :(

The doctor wanted to check me for parasites, so she needed a LOT more of a sample. The nurse first gave me a Dixie cup, then reconsidered and gave me a urine collection container. She advised me that I had to “play catch”, not “go fishing”.

Thankfully I thought to ask for a glove. When I got into the bathroom and squatted… well, there’s no delicate way to put this. I produced lots of peanut butter. Packed that container in one go, and overflowed onto my gloved hand. Ewwww.

So I rinsed my hand in the toilet and scooped off the “dome” on the urine cup and set it on the drainage grate in the bathroom. Now to clean up.

Easier said than done. My “aim” had been off, or something splashed or ran down my leg. :( So I had to clean the toilet seat and my thighs first. Then I started to wipe…. and ran out of TP. :I

So I pulled up my pants a bit and crack the door to ask for more TP. They can only give me paper towels. Four of them. I quickly exhaust these. I crack the door again to ask for more. I other inmates are upset. I’m throwing off their pee test schedule. I tell them I can’t do anything, there’s shit up my ass in here. While I wait for the guard to bring more towels, I crack the vials (with built-in spoons) and start scooping and shaking.

Great. Shit soup. *eye roll*

The stack of towels arrives. I wipe and clean up as best I can, but in the end I just say “hell with it”, I’ll shower at the dorm.

But now it’s count time, so I can’t go anywhere. I stand by the window to try to keep from offending my fellow inmates. I’m not sure it worked. :/

Breakfast had been delivered, but with my shitty hands I wasn’t about to eat. Who the hell doesn’t put soap in a bathroom!?

So I wait for the count to clear, while the others go empty their bladders, complain how it stinks in there, the toilet won’t flush due to paper towels clogging it, and how messy the bathroom is.

Count clears and I virtually run out the door. My OCD is really in overdrive now. Must! Get! Clean!

Of course, the nearest gate to the yard is locked, so I have to go the long way around.

I get to the dorm and prepare for my shower. I had already decided the blues would be changed out, as well as whites, since burning was not a viable option. :/

My undershirt was unmarked, surprisingly, so I decided to wear that. The boxers had stains, but not as badly as I feared. I decided to wash them in the shower and wear them tomorrow after they dried. I didn’t want to stink up the room with shitty boxers in my laundry bag.

So the shower helped reset my OCD. It’s nice being clean. :)

I washed the boxers and wrung them out. Good so far. I towel off. Just when I’m about done, I fart. I thought it was dry. The brown streak on my towel proved otherwise. :(

SHIT! (Literally!)

So I decide to wash the towel in the sink of our room and finish getting dressed.

Once back in the room, I did just that. Wrung it out in the shower (gee, wasn’t I just here?), and hanged it on the bed post.

Then the dorm officer said he was gonna do a mini-inspection. So I took down the laundry bags, jackets, soaps, calendar, etc.

I couldn’t do anything about the towel or boxers. I refuse to get mildew for a mini-inspection. Hell with it.

So, like I said, a shitty morning. It’s not even lunch yet. Greeeeeaaaat!

~S

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So the “motivational speaker” was a sermon. I tuned it out almost immediately. Not because I’m anti-religion, but I believe a motivational speaker shouldn’t bring a religious message. They should be able to motivate on their own merits without piggybacking on a Judeo-Christian foundation. :/

To aid me in “producing” tomorrow, I’m eating 4 packets of Apple & Cinnamon oatmeal. That should flush me out. :) Of course, I just realized my guts won’t really have an “off” switch. :/ The things I do for science. :(

Finally hit my stride in Dance with Dragons. It’s about time, sheesh. 3/4 of the way through.

Anyway, enough writing. Must choke down another packet and a half of oatmeal.

~S

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Ok, so it wasn’t tomorrow before my next entry. Thhhhhpht!

A thought occurred to me as I was listening to I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)┬áby MeatLoaf.

What makes me think I can be faithful to my next significant other/girlfriend/wife? Heaven knows I emotionally cheated on Jennifer time and time again. Ok, I wasn’t running around sticking my dick in random women, but I was still cheating by not allowing myself to be able to give 100% to Jenn.

On the other hand, I was faithful to Ashley. But that was a 3-month thing. Even I was faithful to Jenn for longer than that. =/

This is, what I think they would call in SAA, “stinkin’ thinkin”. =(

Perhaps I’m beating myself up unnecessarily, One is always one’s own worst critic. =( Grrrr.

~S

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Music credits showed up today and were very quickly redeemed. Yay! Something other than the same 9 songs! :)

Today we were greeted with our bunks and lockers being tossed during 2nd red. Fun. Was very pissed that they didn’t make any effort to treat personal property with respect. Should grieve it, but don’t want to make waves.

Bought a 2x thermal top today. Wonder if I bought my stolen one back. =/ Oh well, at least I won’t be cold at night.

Pic kicked my ass at Scrabble this afternoon. 97 to 198, I think. lol

Finished buying the last of my replacement toiletries today. Hopefully they will remain there until the domino is drilled properly. =/ That was supposed to be today, but they ran into technical difficulties. Tomorrow then.

Anyway, nothing else to report. More tomorrow.

~S

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“Super-Bowl Sauce” smells soooo good. :) Very garlic-y.

So, hopefully Scrabble set tomorrow. When I would play with Jennifer, I hated the game. She would trounce me every time, and it felt like she would belittle me. It’s strange. For someone with as large a vocabulary as I have, you would think I would do better at a game like Scrabble. =/

Been having this weird symptom over the past week. It’s only noticeable when I’m writing, but occasionally my eyes will rapidly go the entire range of motion left to right and left again at random. Actually, they run the range of motion two or three times. This is uncontrollable by myself. It barely disrupts my train of thought, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t at all. =/

I must keep tabs on it. =/ Hell, even if it gets worse, I don’t expect to get any help from Dr. Mayo. :(

~S

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Realized this morning that one benefit (if there can be such) to my confinement is that I usually get to see sunrises on a regular basis. It is breathtaking to behold the beauty of God’s creation. Sunsets too. They fill me with hope. To gaze upon the majestic beauty, that fences and razor wire can not diminish.

Today is Super Bowl Sunday. Honestly, I’ll be glad when it’s over. Bleh! But, at least it should give me a couple of hours of uninterrupted reading time. :)

Gonna try to hit the canteen today, to replenish what was stolen from me. *sigh* I keep telling myself it could have been worse, but I have trouble truly feeling that. Intellectually, I accept it. Emotionally, I don’t. I can’t help feeling like I was singled out because of my charge. =/

Anyway, gonna lay down. It’s a rare opportunity to lay down during count, and I’m gonna make the most of it.

~S

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So my hatred of American Idol is cemented. We were kicked off of the TV so people could watch AI. Grrrrr. Tonight is the new episode too. It’s not like the inmates can vote either, so what’s the appeal?

Of course, to be fair, I was interested in the Presidential race too, and I couldn’t vote. But it’s still a sad state of affairs when American Idol gets a more passionate and vocal support base than the fate of the free world. =/

Grrrr. I’m really pissy right now. I want to punch something.

I think I’ll lay down and try to relax/calm down. I seriously considered having an accident with the TV. A “scorched earth” even, if you will. That wouldn’t win me any friends. =(

~S

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So apparently Bubba “hates me & everything I stand for”. *eye roll* All because, during the walk to dinner chow tonight, he was saying how he was gonna die in prison and so was the person he was talking to. I turned to the guy next to me and said “I don’t plan to die in prison. Do you intend to die here?”

Yeah, oh well. He spoke to me in the small TV room and said if I ever butt into his conversation again, he’ll punch my face right then and there.

Most of me thinks it’s a bluff. I really wanted to tell him to take a swing, but I listened to the better angels of my nature.

Afterward, I prayed on how the Lord would want me to handle it if he keeps pressing. The whole “I told you not to bite, I didn’t say not to hiss“. But “Turn the other cheek” came to my mind very quickly. I questioned it to make sure it’s what Heavenly Father wanted me to do, and it wasn’t of my own mind. The message was repeated.

I prayed Bubba would find peace & comfort. I thanked Heavenly Father for keeping me safe.

More later? Four entries in one day??

~S

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Three pieces of coffee cake this morning! Yum!!

It’s sad that that can make my morning. =/

Hopefully song credits will be on. Stevie wants new music! Stevie wants new music! (ala “Baby wants Blue Velvet!”)

Realized yesterday that, apart from accidental glances which I could not control, this is the longest I’ve gone without pornography in… God! 20 years. Wow. It’s also the longest I’ve gone without jerking off in 27 years?

You would think that, not having j/o in 6 months, I would be having wet dreams. But I’m not. Perhaps it’s my low-T. Perhaps it’s a tender mercy. Either way, I’m not complaining. :)

It would be difficult in here to have sheets washed more often than once a week, and my OCD wouldn’t allow me to sleep in soiled sheets. Ewwwww.

What a lovely mental image to close a journal entry on, don’t you think? ;)

~S

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Credits were not on my music account today. Boo-hiss-pout. ;) Hopefully they will be on tomorrow. My 9 songs are all well and good, but listening to them over and over gets repetitive. =/

Sat in medical all of 2nd yard today to see Dr. Mayo and get the results of my lab work. Apparently I’m as healthy as an ox. My good cholesterol is 42 (normal range is 0-30), and my bad cholesterol is 180, which is on the high range of normal. Go figure. *shrug*

Either way, Dr. Mayo won’t treat me for IBS w/o a diagnosis of IBS. She seems very reluctant to diagnose me with it. Truth be told, she seems reluctant to do much of anything, even dispensing OTC anti-diarrhea meds. =/

I’m journaling now to avoid having to watch the evening news w/ Diane Sawyer. Liberals. Sheesh. They are sooooo aggravating.

Swamp is being his normal Swamp self. He sees conspiracies around every corner. If I ever get like that, I hope someone will put a bullet in my brain-pan. =/

~S

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