Had a very shitty morning. Ugh and ewwwww. On the positive side, I had no problem producing this morning. On the negative, my cup runneth over. Literally. :(

So my appointment was at 5:30. They drew blood and then I had to produce a stool sample. At first we thought it was just a popsicle stick thing. Shit, wipe, scoop from TP using stick, and smear on card.

Oh, if only it had been that simple. :(

The doctor wanted to check me for parasites, so she needed a LOT more of a sample. The nurse first gave me a Dixie cup, then reconsidered and gave me a urine collection container. She advised me that I had to “play catch”, not “go fishing”.

Thankfully I thought to ask for a glove. When I got into the bathroom and squatted… well, there’s no delicate way to put this. I produced lots of peanut butter. Packed that container in one go, and overflowed onto my gloved hand. Ewwww.

So I rinsed my hand in the toilet and scooped off the “dome” on the urine cup and set it on the drainage grate in the bathroom. Now to clean up.

Easier said than done. My “aim” had been off, or something splashed or ran down my leg. :( So I had to clean the toilet seat and my thighs first. Then I started to wipe…. and ran out of TP. :I

So I pulled up my pants a bit and crack the door to ask for more TP. They can only give me paper towels. Four of them. I quickly exhaust these. I crack the door again to ask for more. I other inmates are upset. I’m throwing off their pee test schedule. I tell them I can’t do anything, there’s shit up my ass in here. While I wait for the guard to bring more towels, I crack the vials (with built-in spoons) and start scooping and shaking.

Great. Shit soup. *eye roll*

The stack of towels arrives. I wipe and clean up as best I can, but in the end I just say “hell with it”, I’ll shower at the dorm.

But now it’s count time, so I can’t go anywhere. I stand by the window to try to keep from offending my fellow inmates. I’m not sure it worked. :/

Breakfast had been delivered, but with my shitty hands I wasn’t about to eat. Who the hell doesn’t put soap in a bathroom!?

So I wait for the count to clear, while the others go empty their bladders, complain how it stinks in there, the toilet won’t flush due to paper towels clogging it, and how messy the bathroom is.

Count clears and I virtually run out the door. My OCD is really in overdrive now. Must! Get! Clean!

Of course, the nearest gate to the yard is locked, so I have to go the long way around.

I get to the dorm and prepare for my shower. I had already decided the blues would be changed out, as well as whites, since burning was not a viable option. :/

My undershirt was unmarked, surprisingly, so I decided to wear that. The boxers had stains, but not as badly as I feared. I decided to wash them in the shower and wear them tomorrow after they dried. I didn’t want to stink up the room with shitty boxers in my laundry bag.

So the shower helped reset my OCD. It’s nice being clean. :)

I washed the boxers and wrung them out. Good so far. I towel off. Just when I’m about done, I fart. I thought it was dry. The brown streak on my towel proved otherwise. :(

SHIT! (Literally!)

So I decide to wash the towel in the sink of our room and finish getting dressed.

Once back in the room, I did just that. Wrung it out in the shower (gee, wasn’t I just here?), and hanged it on the bed post.

Then the dorm officer said he was gonna do a mini-inspection. So I took down the laundry bags, jackets, soaps, calendar, etc.

I couldn’t do anything about the towel or boxers. I refuse to get mildew for a mini-inspection. Hell with it.

So, like I said, a shitty morning. It’s not even lunch yet. Greeeeeaaaat!

~S